Is Narcissism On the Rise?

Is Narcissism On the Rise?

I have a dear friend. Let call him Kenny. Kenny has been having a rough go of things for several years now. I am proud to be a friend of someone who is working on his issues. But I do know that Kenny has been working his issues since his late teens. He’s forty something now. About three to four years ago he focused on his trauma. Kenny says that he had a very sick sister who almost died so his parents needed to devote most of their time to her, and neglecting young Kenny. This traumatized Kenny, I figured "OK it might take a year to process that. But the problem would be solved in another  year or so of therapy.

But not so. Now Kenny’s issue is Narcissism. What is narcissism? The answer is … it depends on one’s shrink. Since I don’t currently have a shrink, I had to go to dictionary.com. There is says, ”

"nar·cis·sism [nahr-suh-siz-em] noun

1. inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity. Synonyms: self-centeredness, smugness, egocentrism.

2. Psychoanalysis . erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.”

Look at this! When Kenny says that he’s been lead to believe through his work with his shrink that both his parents were narcissists what is he really saying to himself and to me?

Well first, Kenny is admitting that he is really a narcissist. Why? Because being in therapy almost as long as you are alive is the essence of narcissism, he’s been paying a fortune to a legion of shrinks who sit around and let him talk about him. How about that? Isn’t that an inordinate fascination with oneself? Isn’t that excessive self-love (a 35 year obsession with one’s own life scrutinized weekly with the help of a professional, as we said when I was growing up, ”Damn Man! Enough already! Get a life!”

Same for being vain and self-centered, OK may be he is just a little smug, but definitely overwhelmingly self-centered by his own admissions.

Erotic Gratification? Well that sounds kinky. Even if it doesn’t really mean ”playing with your own pee pee a whole lot.” Self admiration, Kenny has some great skills he knows it and lets other around him know it. Doesn't everybody do this? So, is Kenny at an infantile stage of personality development then I’d have to say, no, not at all. He's a big guy. He's definite a man's man and he care's deeply about many things from the state of the economy to his mom and dad and the love of his life. His passion brings tears to my eyes. I know others who talk talk talk but have no real feelings. Kenney's really gotten something out of those years of therapy. He knows what love is what frienship is and what empathy is.

There. Its obvious that Kenny isn’t truly a narcissist. But if he isn't, then why would I think his mom and dad would really be narcissistic? I don't. I'm betting that after a while Kenny will stop with the narcissism theory, like he stopped the trauma theory. I hope he will listen to my childhood friends, ”Damn Man! Enough with the self exmaination, dude! Get a life, man!”

On the other hand Kenny has helped me to see the narcissism in me. Don’t you amaze yourself ? I amaze myself. I come up with new answers to new problems all the time, isn’t that amazing? I think so! From time to time water comes out from a thing between my legs, I find that amazing. Doesn't water come out of you, aiiyah, that's amzing isn't it? In fact everything I do serious and silly is amazing, to me. I breathe. I walk. I talk. Completely totally amazing.

OK So I don’t hug myself often, maybe once a year. When I feel ”Thank god I got through that!”  Whew! But isn’t that amazing?

In a sense everything I do is for me. I learned that more people are nice to me if I am nice to them first. Truth! Isn’t that amazing? Aren’t I amazing? Wait! So are you. You are amazing. Really. Amazing!!

You know sometimes I behave in an infantile manner, specially when someone else is already doing it. ”You started, no you started.” I guess I am more of a narcissist than I thought, or what Kenny thinks of his mom and dad. Oh well....

What’s my point. Well to Kenny, stop already we have all narcissistic tendencies , but do not worry. Why? Because very few of us descend to acting like a baby all the time. Being a baby all the time is not possible for anyone except ... yep... real babies. So stop being concerned that your parents can be labeled so easily. But you have to stop labeling them yourself.

MOVE ALONG. MOVE ALONG! THERE ARE NO NARCISSISTS HERE. MOVE ALONG.